Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wishing for the Weekend

I've never been a teacher who wished for the weekend. I enjoy my students. I enjoy my job. I love what I do.

Don't get my wrong, now. I enjoy sleeping in and getting to spend time with my son as well. I do like weekends. I've had things that I look forward to that occur on the weekend. However, I've never actually wished time away. I'm ready for a break when I get it, but the idea of fast forwarding days or just suddenly waking up and having missed a couple days was never appealing to me. Until now.

This week, I've been so focused on the interview process and worrying about my job that I'm completely wishing the week away. I'd be so happy for it to magically be Saturday. But it's not. It's Wednesday. I have two more school days to go until I find out my fate. If I could delete those days from the calendar, I totally would.

So I feel guilty. This entire process has been so exhausting and I feel like the ones who are suffering the most are my kids. I'm rushing through things and just getting by rather than making good, engaging lessons for them. I suck this week. They know it. I know it. I try to pick myself up and make it better, but I can't. I'm gutted. Even when this horrible week is over, I'll be watching for the mail all Saturday. I'm not looking forward to Saturday. I'm dreading it. I just want that over, too.

Even if I make it and will continue at my school next year, the people who have lost their positions will find out Saturday as well. Monday will not be a happy day. It can't be. What could possibly go right on Monday?

So here I am, wishing my days away and dreading the aftermath. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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